Joke for the day..!!

A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.A funeral coffin was followed by a second one about 50 feet behind the first. Behind the second coffin was a solitary man walking with a black dog. Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single file. The man couldn't stand his curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I Know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in single file. Whose funeral is it?" The man replied, "Well, that first coffin is for my wife." What happened to her?"The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her." He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second coffin?" The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked and killed her also."

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men. Then the first one asks in excitement "Can I borrow the dog?"
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The man replied "Join the queue." 😁

Replies

Saandeep Sreerambatla

Cool good one!!😎
rishna

Wonder what does this man want..

E: Do u have a boyfriend?
C: I have.

E: Is he working Locally?
C: No. He is working Overseas.

E: Sorry, my company cannot employ u !
C: Why?

E: U will not be able to settle down here permanently. And my Company don't want to pay extra expenses on the Overseas calls just because of u.
rishna

some more..

Story II

E: Any girl friends?
C: No.

E: So far chased any before?
C: Have, but not successful.

E: Ever think of getting a job first then start looking for a girlfriend?
C: Career is first priority. Currently didn't want to consider This personal issue.

E: Sorry, my company cannot employ u.
C: Why?

E: You are lacking of P.R skills and confidence!!

Story III

E: Any girlfriends?
C: Yes.

E: Is she pretty?
C: Not quite.

E: Sorry, my company cannot employ you.
C: Why? Will this affect your company's reputation?

E: No, it does not affect the company's reputation but because My company is dealing with arts, our company requested an artist.

Story IV

E: Any girlfriends?
C: Yes.

E: Is she pretty?
C: yes

E: Is she your first lover?
C: Yes.

E: Sorry, we can't employ you because you lack of fighting spirit.

Story V

E: Any girlfriends?
C: Yes.

E: Is she your first lover?
C: No. Have a few already.

E: Sorry, my company cannot employ you because you are a "grasshopper"! (Job hoper lah!)

Story VI

E: Any boyfriends?
C: Yes.

E: Is he rich?
C: No.

E: Then sorry, my company cannot employ you because our Company is dealing with money and you will seduce.

Story VII

E: Any boyfriends?
C: Yes.

E: Is he rich ?
C: Yes, very rich.He owns a company.

E: Sorry, we cannot employ you because your boyfriend don't Even want to employ you, neither do we!
C: But,...... There is no position in his company.

E: Then,..... What is your qualification?
C: Secretary!

E: Sorry, we still cannot employ you because your prettiness Will affect your managers' working spirits.
C: But,...... I am not pretty at all.

E: It is even worse because my managers will not be interested In you!!
Yamini L

A typical student

Flips a coin and thinks....

Heads -will go to sleep

Tails -will watch tv

Stands -will listen music

Stays in Air -wil study..
Yamini L

God saw your parents thirsty
he created Water.

Saw them hungry,
created Food.

Saw them in darkness,
created Light

Saw them without any problem,
created YOU..:hehehe:
rishna

miniy
A typical student

Flips a coin and thinks....

Heads -will go to sleep

Tails -will watch tv

Stands -will listen music

Stays in Air -wil study..
haha..good one
Saandeep Sreerambatla

Here is a joke,

A man carries a huge book of around 700 pages and approaches a Lawyer ?

Man: How many days you take to complete this book?

Lawyer : It takes me 4 months to complete this one , need to prepare notes etc etc.

then approaches a Doctor,

Man : How many days you take to complete this book?

Doctor : It takes around 2 months to complete this book as i will be reading all these kind of large books in my medicine.

then he approaches an Engineer !!!

Man : How many days you take to complete this book?

Engineer : He takes the book and sees it and asks When is the EXAM ??
😁
Differential

Nice one! Indicates that engineers will always do it, SOMEHOW!
Saandeep Sreerambatla

Yep Engineers will complete in one day..😎😎
Ashraf HZ

I hate reading textbooks, honestly 😛
durga ch

The phone rings. The lady of the house answers, "Yes?"

"Mrs. Ward, please."

"Speaking"

"Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory. When your Doctor sent your husband's samples to the lab, the samples from another Mr. Ward were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's. Frankly, it is either bad or terrible."

"What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asks.

"Well, one Mr. Ward has tested positive for Alzheimer's disease (related to memory) and the other for AIDS. We can't tell which your husband's is"

"That's terrible! Can we do the test over?" questions Mrs. Ward.

"Normally, yes. But Medicare won't pay for these expensive tests more than once."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."
Saandeep Sreerambatla

Amazing!!!!😎😎
silverscorpion

durga
The phone rings. The lady of the house answers, "Yes?"

"Mrs. Ward, please."

"Speaking"

"Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory. When your Doctor sent your husband's samples to the lab, the samples from another Mr. Ward were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's. Frankly, it is either bad or terrible."

"What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asks.

"Well, one Mr. Ward has tested positive for Alzheimer's disease (related to memory) and the other for AIDS. We can't tell which your husband's is"

"That's terrible! Can we do the test over?" questions Mrs. Ward.

"Normally, yes. But Medicare won't pay for these expensive tests more than once."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."

ha ha, good one..
Very good. Can't stop laughing😁
Saandeep Sreerambatla

But my question is if the person don't come back what Mrs Ward will do??😉😉
rishna

English-Scared
But my question is if the person don't come back what Mrs Ward will do??😉😉

i guess in this case she'll be happy😁:hehehe:
Raviteja.g

here is silly joke
A student attached a 100Rs note to his testpaper & wrote 1 rupee for each mark.
paper checker sent him 81Rs back and he wrote on note "u got only 19 marks. keep the change"

keep smiling
komputergeek

Teacher : Tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Student : No sir,I don't have to,my mom is a good cook.
Yamini L

After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization", a student goes and confronts his lecturer about
it.
Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"

Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"
Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will
accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the
exam."

Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"

Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore
changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question. He immediately
answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your
wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an
"A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."😁
Yamini L

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".

The teacher asked, " What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".
Yamini L

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly
noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hair white, Mom?"

Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's
hairs are white?"
Raviteja.g

miniy , I think you have a nice sense of humor which can be proved by your jokes
but one thing i can't get is why your posting some messages in small font sizes are you testing the readers

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly
noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hair white, Mom?"

Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's
hairs are white?"
its difficult for me to read those messages
even though they are laughable
Yamini L

Pardon me Raviteja,I will check out font size before posting here after..
Raviteja.g

Pardon me Raviteja
Sorry miniy ,if i hurt you.
I just said my inconvenience i think there is no requirement of using that type of big words.
Right?
Yamini L

Raviteja.g
I just said my inconvenience Right?
Yeah right..You van very well share your thoughts here..:smile:
Saandeep Sreerambatla

Goood Funy ones.
But the problem is i have already read these at my office😔
komputergeek

A: Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephant's milk and gained twenty pounds in a week.
B: That's impossible. Whose baby?
A: An elephant's.
Anil Jain

komputergeek
A: Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephant's milk and gained twenty pounds in a week.
B: That's impossible. Whose baby?
A: An elephant's.

LOL ... rolling on floor...
Raviteja.g

Patient: In my dreams,monkeys play football every night.
Doctor: Take this medicine from today night.
Patient: Can I start from tomorrow?
Doctor: why?
Patient: Today night is the final match!!!!

Keep smiling!
komputergeek

Man: "God, how long is a million years?"
God: "To me, it's about a minute."
Man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me it's a penny."
Man: "God, may I have a penny?"
God: "Wait a minute."
komputergeek

Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, "Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?" "I don't know," responded the other. "I'll ask him."
So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. "Why are we digging in the hot sun and you're standing in the shade?" "Intelligence," the boss said. "What do you mean, ‘intelligence'?"
The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can." The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss' hand. The boss removed his hand and the ditch digger hit the tree. The boss said, "That's intelligence!"
The ditch digger went back to his hole. His friend asked, "What did he say?" "He said we are down here because of intelligence." "What's intelligence?" said the friend. The ditch digger put his hand on his face and said, "Take your shovel and hit my hand."
g_rakesh2

In front of boys schools it is written that, Drive slowly school ahead.

But, infront of girl's schools it is not written like that.... why ?

Because all vehicles will automatically slow down there!!! 😁
komputergeek

A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled and said, "It really works!"
Anil Jain

komputergeek
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled and said, "It really works!"
LOL
komputergeek

A: Today is Sunday & I wanna enjoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets
B: Why Three?
A: For you and your parents
Anil Jain

komputergeek
A: Today is Sunday & I wanna enjoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets
B: Why Three?
A: For you and your parents
😁Is this is a joke or you are trying april fool on all CEan's .
komputergeek

crazyboy
😁Is this is a joke or you are trying april fool on all CEan's .
It's difficult to fool CEan's..
Saandeep Sreerambatla

komputergeek
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled and said, "It really works!"

too good 😁
komputergeek

A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
komputergeek

Customer: Excuse me, but I saw your thumb in my soup when you were carrying it.
Waitress: Oh, that's okay. The soup isn't hot.
komputergeek

Said to a railroad engineer:
What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.

The reply from the railroad engineer:
How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule?
Anil Jain

2 guyz found 2 bombs,
1st person: Lets go we will give these bombs to police.
2nd Persond: What if any one of the bomb will explode on the way to police station?
1st person: We will tell lie to police that we had found only one bomb.

-Crazy
komputergeek

crazyboy
2 guyz found 2 bombs,
1st person: Lets go we will give these bombs to police.
2nd persond: What if any one of the bomb will explode on the way to police station?
1st person: We will tell lie to police that we had found only one bomb.

-crazy
lol.nice one
rishna

crazyboy
2 guyz found 2 bombs,
1st person: Lets go we will give these bombs to police.
2nd Persond: What if any one of the bomb will explode on the way to police station?
1st person: We will tell lie to police that we had found only one bomb.

-Crazy

hillarious 😁
rishna

komputergeek
Said to a railroad engineer:
What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.

The reply from the railroad engineer:
How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule?
good one..
smart railroad engineer
Raviteja.g

Question: In marriage ceremonies, why the man made to sit on the Horse or in the Car?

Ans:God gives him last chance to escape.......!
shalini_goel14

Raviteja.g
Question: In marriage ceremonies, why the man made to sit on the Horse or in the Car?

Ans:God gives him last chance to escape.......!
Ha ha ! Good one 😀 but I wonder why don't he still escape 😡
Raviteja.g

shalini_goel14
Ha ha ! Good one 😀 but I wonder why don't he still escape 😡
thats what the secret behind this universe.....😉
Raviteja.g

A lady calls a person for repairing the doorbell .
He did not come for 4 days.......!!!
Then one day she asks him why don't you come?
He replied:"I came and pressed the bell, but nobody opened the door....!!!

Keep Smiling!!😁
g_rakesh2

Raviteja.g
A lady calls a person for repairing the doorbell .
He did not come for 4 days.......!!!
Then one day she asks him why don't you come?
He replied:"I came and pressed the bell, but nobody opened the door....!!!

Keep Smiling!!😁
its nice very hilarious 😁...
rishna

Re:Engineering Question paper ..!!

Q: We know that 2/10=0.2 but Prove that 2/10=2

A : Normal college students insist Question is "OUT of Syllabus".

but Engineering Students replied:

2=two,
10=ten.

therefore Two/Ten = Two/Ten = wo/en.

w=23,
o=15,
e=5,
n=14.

therefore

w+o=23+15=38
&
e+n=5+14=19

Therefore wo/en=38/19=2.
Hence Proved
Anil Jain

Good maths..
Saandeep Sreerambatla

New maths. Intersting 😀
alexissamantha

Ha ha ha ha very funny man,,,,,,,
swapnakumar

cool amidst busy work nice 1 2 laugh😁
swapnakumar

Re: Engineering Question paper ..!!

gr888 brains after all engineers have!!!
Saandeep Sreerambatla

Swapnakumar , Please refrain from using SMS text read the stick posts in the introduction sections .
take your time to write the complete words dude , enjoy staying here.
komputergeek

Re: Joke for the day..!!The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic ele

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'
shalini_goel14

Re: Joke for the day..!!The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic ele

komputergeek
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'
Ha ha ! Good one 😁
Anil Jain

Good one... Komputergeek....
Saandeep Sreerambatla

Interesting ,very nice 😀
g_rakesh2

Re: Joke for the day..!!The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic ele

komputergeek
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'
its a very good one cant stop laughing...:dance::dance::dance:
Saandeep Sreerambatla

Funniest mail i received.

Peg after Peg

I never take risk while drinking.....

When I come from office in the evening, wife is cooking
I can hear the noise of utensils in the kitchen
I stealthily enter the house
Take out the bottle from my black cupboard
Shivaji Maharaj is looking at me from the photo frame
But still no one is aware of it
Becoz I never take a risk

I take out the glass from the rack above the old sink
Quickly enjoy one peg
Wash the glass and again keep it on the rack
Of course I also keep the bottle inside my cupboard
Shivaji Maharaj is giving a smile
I peep into the kitchen
Wife is cutting potatoes
No one is aware of what I did
Becoz I never take a risk

I: Any news on chopra's daughter's marriage
Wife: Nope, she doesn't seem to be that lucky. Still they are looking
out for her

I again come out; there is a small noise of the black cupboard
But I don't make any sound while taking out the bottle
I take out the glass from the old rack above sink
Quickly enjoy one peg wash the bottle and keep it in the sink
Also keep the Black Glass in the cupboard
But still no one is aware of what I did
Becoz I never take a risk

I: But still I think chopra's daughter's age is not that much
Wife: What are you saying? She is 28 yrs old... like an aged horse
I: (I forgot her age is 28) Oh Oh...

I again take out potatoes out from my black cupboard
But the cupboard's place has automatically changed
I take out the bottle from the rack and quickly enjoy one peg in the
sink. Shivaji Maharaj laughs loudly
I keep the rack in the potatoes & wash Shivaji Maharaj's photo & keep
it in the black cupboard

Wife is keeping the sink on the stove
But still no one is aware of what I did
Becoz I never take a risk

I: (getting angry) you call Mr. chopra a horse?
Wife: Don't just blabber something, go out and sit quietly...

I take out the bottle from the potatoes
Go in the black cupboard and enjoy a peg
Wash the sink and keep it over the rack
Wife is giving a smile

Shivaji Maharaj is still cooking
But still no one is aware of what I did
Becoz I never take a risk

I: (laughing) So chopra is marrying a horse!!
Wife: Hey go and sprinkle some water on your face...

I again go to the kitchen, and quietly sit on the rack
Stove is also on the rack
There is a small noise of bottles from the room outside

I peep and see that wife is enjoying a peg in the sink
But none of the horses are aware of what I did
Becoz Shivaji Maharaj never takes a risk

chopra is still cooking
And I am looking at my wife from the photo and laughing
Becoz I never take what???
Hic…
silverscorpion

Very good.. Had a great laugh..😀😀
rishna

hilarious😁😁😁
Seems you to don't take risk while drinking😉😉:sshhh:
lal

Hi...hi...very nice!
Saandeep Sreerambatla

I believe dont go home after drinking or dont drink at home drink somewhere and later go home to avoid problems 😀
komputergeek

haha.nice one.ROFL

You are reading an archived discussion.

Joke for the day..!!

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