Self-Pardon...Is it possible???

Anoop Mathew · 2011-10-08T17:29:23+00:00

Hello CEans, As human beings we all make mistakes. But as ignorance blinds us or as our pride is too high, we fail to pardon ourselves for what has happened. My question is, "Is it possible to forgive yourself for what you've done in the past?". Forgetting is part of human nature; we're all blessed with the fact called 'memory loss', but yet so many incidents keep haunting our minds every now and then. How do we handle such situations? What do you think??? Awaiting a healthy debate on this topic. Regards, Anoop

Kaustubh Katdare

@thebigk • Oct 8, 2011

Frankly speaking, I think it's always 'self-pardon'. We only seek a reason to forgive ourselves by seeking pardon from someone else.

PS: Individual driven by a strong purpose (or a mission) in life seldom let things of past affect the present or future. But finding that purpose is often the most difficult thing.

0

Rupam Das

@rupam-das-wW5CvN • Oct 8, 2011

We have to pardon ourselves. That is the only way to move ahead in life. It is all about learning from mistake and commitment to not to repeat it.

0

Anoop Mathew

@anoop-FRTf1L • Oct 8, 2011

Rupam Das
We have to pardon ourselves. That is the only way to move ahead in life. It is all about learning from mistake and commitment to not to repeat it.

It's the only way alright, but do we actually pardon ourselves for what we've done? We try to forget the past, forgive ourselves and move on, but certain circumstances bring back memories that haunt us again. Isn't this true?

For eg: A criminal who tries to forgive himself can never actually forgive himself for killing someone.

0

Anoop Mathew

@anoop-FRTf1L • Oct 8, 2011

The_Big_K
Frankly speaking, I think it's always 'self-pardon'. We only seek a reason to forgive ourselves by seeking pardon from someone else.

PS: Individual driven by a strong purpose (or a mission) in life seldom let things of past affect the present or future. But finding that purpose is often the most difficult thing.

Even Steve Jobs remembered his past experience and shared it with us. He did not have a purpose in life. He told the gathering at Stanford University to "stay hungry, stay foolish", and he believed that the dots would connect somewhere in the future. So the past does affect the future, right?

0

Kaustubh Katdare

@thebigk • Oct 8, 2011

Steve Jobs said you can connect the dots by looking at the past. That is, you just have to move ahead in life and then relate then things that happened in the past. It's not the past that affects the future. It's the 'Present' that affects the future. I strongly believe it's up to any individual to control how much of the past can affect the 'present'. I think the 'killer won't forgive himself ever' analogy is bit out of context.

I think you're mixing feeling of 'guilt' and 'general memories'. There are different types of emotions. We have the power to decide what we do with our present; either destroy it with the bad memories or make it rich with thoughts of present and future. Getting back to the point in first post - it's only 'you' who can forgive 'yourself' for the things that 'you' think were 'wrong'. That's what I think. I did many incorrect things in the past (especially, while running and growing CE); and if I had a chance, I'd change them. But my best option is to learn from those mistakes and not commit them in present so that I don't have to regret it future.

PS: I'm not sure whether this video is relevant, but I remember blogging about this video by Jeff Bezos. It's called 'Regret minimization framework'.

[video=youtube;jwG_qR6XmDQ]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwG_qR6XmDQ&feature=player_embedded[/video]

If anyone's interested, check this post on my blog: #-Link-Snipped-#

0

Anoop Mathew

@anoop-FRTf1L • Oct 8, 2011

The_Big_K
Steve Jobs said you can connect the dots by looking at the past. That is, you just have to move ahead in life and then relate then things that happened in the past. It's not the past that affects the future. It's the 'Present' that affects the future. I strongly believe it's up to any individual to control how much of the past can affect the 'present'. I think the 'killer won't forgive himself ever' analogy is bit out of context.

I think you're mixing feeling of 'guilt' and 'general memories'. There are different types of emotions. We have the power to decide what we do with our present; either destroy it with the bad memories or make it rich with thoughts of present and future. Getting back to the point in first post - it's only 'you' who can forgive 'yourself' for the things that 'you' think were 'wrong'. That's what I think. I did many incorrect things in the past (especially, while running and growing CE); and if I had a chance, I'd change them. But my best option is to learn from those mistakes and not commit them in present so that I don't have to regret it future.

PS: I'm not sure whether this video is relevant, but I remember blogging about this video by Jeff Bezos. It's called 'Regret minimization framework'.

[video=youtube;jwG_qR6XmDQ]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwG_qR6XmDQ&feature=player_embedded[/video]

If anyone's interested, check this post on my blog: #-Link-Snipped-#

You've been saying about a positive kind of past experience (as with respect to the above video). Steve Jobs took his past experiences positively so he was able to connect the dots. Well certain experiences in the past do have a tendency to turn you into a better human being optimistically.

But then, there are a few things like killing, drugs, addiction to lust, cigarettes, etc; which can cause more harm and more pain than remorse in the future. How much ever you try, the feeling never gets completely vanished from your mind; well probably you can quarantine it for some time. That's what i feel!

P.S.: Why do people suicide? 99% of them do so as they are not able to forgive themselves for what they've done!

0

Kaustubh Katdare

@thebigk • Oct 8, 2011

anoopthefriend
But then, there are a few things like killing, drugs, addiction to lust, cigarettes, etc; which can cause more harm and more pain than remorse in the future. How much ever you try, the feeling never gets completely vanished from your mind; well probably you can quarantine it for some time. That's what i feel!

P.S.: Why do people suicide? 99% of them do so as they are not able to forgive themselves for what they've done!

See, if you're addicted to cigarettes - you're choosing to ruin your 'present'. Past is past. Nothing can be done about it. As I said, it's your actions in the present that decide your future. The 'feeling' gets vanished in matter of few hours or days; but memories last. What seems to be 'impossible to forget today' will not cross your mind even for a second in future if you've exciting things to do. It's all about choices! You can either choose to let emotions control you or be in control of emotions.

0

ISHAN TOPRE

@ishan-nohePN • Oct 8, 2011

Everyone has a predefined notion of success. For me, I do not want to grow a big company. It might be a small enterprise or I may be in a job. But I should have the independence of taking my decisions. For me it is only giving happiness to people around me and correcting things which come in my way. Whether they are small or big. My idea of success has not changed a bit in last 2 years since its evolution in my mind.

Money is only a resource and I will earn only that much to suffice my needs. In other words that is my success. And It sometimes doesn't matter if we pardon ourselves or not.

Now self pardoning? We of course pardon ourselves with passing time. We have to because if you have to keep on moving in life, we have no other way. I totally agree with connecting the dots concept. While performing actions today we should always bear in mind that it reflects in our future. hence even if your actions are termed successful by world, they should not make you compromise on any accounts. They should always make you feel satisfied.

So that at the end of day, there should be less number of occasions that you need to pardon yourselves.

0

Anoop Mathew

@anoop-FRTf1L • Oct 8, 2011

Issue
So that at the end of day, there should be less number of occasions that you need to pardon yourselves.

Point to be noted! You're right! To err is humane after all!

0

Anoop Mathew

@anoop-FRTf1L • Oct 8, 2011

The_Big_K
You can either choose to let emotions control you or be in control of emotions.

There's a point in life when you can't control certain habits. For example, you may not beat a person back in spite of him having taken the shit out of you, if you are patient enough. But there is a limit to patience as well! I've seen in real life how a very patient man (whom I've known for 5 years) turned impatient and actually started a raw, all in a matter of seconds!

We certainly try to hold on, forget our old habits or past incidents; but every man is accustomed to a certain level of tolerance, beyond which he looses control over his emotions!

0

Kaustubh Katdare

@thebigk • Oct 8, 2011

I said it - It's all about 'choice'. 😀

0

Anoop Mathew

@anoop-FRTf1L • Oct 8, 2011

The_Big_K
I said it - It's all about 'choice'. 😀

Have you ever heard someone saying 'my mind's playing tricks on me'??? I've heard that a million times already. And it's also from the same people whom I believe and hope for advice from. Sometimes you cannot make a choice. You just fall into your mind's trick and you end up regretting what has happened. This has happened to the majority of the people that I know. So even if you want to do the right thing, you end up doing just the opposite!!

0

Ramani Aswath

@ramani-VR4O43 • Oct 8, 2011

anoopthefriend
Is it possible to forgive yourself for what you've done in the past?

H.W.Longfellow's poem: The Psalm of Life (one of my favourites) seems appropriate.
<a href="https://www.blupete.com/Literature/Poetry/Psalm.htm" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer">www.blupete.com</a>

Who forgives whom? We are not the body. The cells in our body are dying all the time and new ones generating. The body that housed the 'self' when whatever was done in the past has changed now. When we say forgive oneself we are actually thinking of two selves are we not? The one that asks forgiveness and one that (from a supposedly superior position) grants a pardon. Is not this some sort of escapism?

What may be more relevant is the integrated approach. An acceptance and going onward.

'Yes, I did that. I may even do that again. However, let me get on with whatever I am at now'.

I can tell about addiction. I was hopelessly addicted to smoking. I knew all about its ill effects. Had lost two uncles to that habit. Suffered pleural effusion myself. Yet I went on. I never felt any guilt. Gave up smoking completely at one stroke 44 years back. Never smoked again. I have not forgotten any thing about it. Nor have I felt that I should forgive myself either.

I was not born by my choice, whoever that 'I' be. I do not feel under any obligation to achieve anything. I do not feel that I have to have a purpose in life. Go quietly when the time comes without leaving a trace.

In the final analysis, a truly 'self'ish person leading an integrated existence will have no need to forgive him/herself because the person is living in total acceptance of all that the person is doing.

0

Anoop Mathew

@anoop-FRTf1L • Oct 9, 2011

bioramani
H.W.Longfellow's poem: The Psalm of Life (one of my favourites) seems appropriate.
<a href="https://www.blupete.com/Literature/Poetry/Psalm.htm" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer">www.blupete.com</a>

Who forgives whom? We are not the body. The cells in our body are dying all the time and new ones generating. The body that housed the 'self' when whatever was done in the past has changed now. When we say forgive oneself we are actually thinking of two selves are we not? The one that asks forgiveness and one that (from a supposedly superior position) grants a pardon. Is not this some sort of escapism?

What may be more relevant is the integrated approach. An acceptance and going onward.

'Yes, I did that. I may even do that again. However, let me get on with whatever I am at now'.

I can tell about addiction. I was hopelessly addicted to smoking. I knew all about its ill effects. Had lost two uncles to that habit. Suffered pleural effusion myself. Yet I went on. I never felt any guilt. Gave up smoking completely at one stroke 44 years back. Never smoked again. I have not forgotten any thing about it. Nor have I felt that I should forgive myself either.

I was not born by my choice, whoever that 'I' be. I do not feel under any obligation to achieve anything. I do not feel that I have to have a purpose in life. Go quietly when the time comes without leaving a trace.

In the final analysis, a truly 'self'ish person leading an integrated existence will have no need to forgive him/herself because the person is living in total acceptance of all that the person is doing.

Actually forgiveness is divine. That's what i believe. The fact is that almost all people on earth need forgiveness. They need to forgive themselves and forgive others for what they have done. The whole cycle of happiness revolves around forgiveness (or compromise). Look at the world happenings around us. The wars, the crimes, the injustice, the inhuman activities, the sufferings, it's all because the people of earth cannot forgive each other for what they have done! If forgiveness was practiced from the beginning, then our world would have been a much better place to live in.

You are not born by your own choice. When a micro-organism (sperm mixes with the ova) there is a fusion and the following 9 months (10 months actually) results in a baby. But the point where the baby comes out and the baby gets life can never be proved by science. This is the divinity. There is a soul which we all have individually. It is our intuition (or the inner man) as some scholars say, that gives us the tendency to do the right thing. We are all born with a purpose. And finding that purpose demands patience, understanding and the willingness. The whole world is a truth seeking organism.

0

Pensu

@pensu-8tNeGU • Oct 9, 2011

When you know u did wrong then there is no way u can take the guilt out. Yeah, it can fade with time. I believe "self-pardon" is just an excuse to console yourself to move on. The point is not forgiving yourself, its about continue to live your life with knowing u made mistake.

You can minimize the guilt, u can learn to live with it, u can do some good deeds which can make u feel good about urself, but in the end of the day, u know u were wrong and nothing can change that(except u have a time machine....😉). In my view guilt is permanent but surely its effect can be loosen over time.

0

Mr.Don

@mrdon-92OwlG • Oct 9, 2011

If any one can self pardon then it will be the biggest achievement in their life because if you know that you made a mistake then if there's no way you can change it then there's no point you ask yourself for self pardon but after you you got affected by the incident you will ask yourself for thousands of times to pardon and eventually it won't work. Now if the thing can be changed for example like an addiction(smoking,drugs etc) then you can always ask for pardon and go on in your life, where there is every possibility to change your self.

If you strongly believe that you do a mistake and you cannot change it, remember that mistake, stop bothering about it and don't ever do the same again or if you can compensate or if you can change in your future.Say to yourself Pardon me and slowly the change will come some day after you come out of it, you will feel much lighter. 😀

0

eternalthinker

@eternalthinker-Kvsi5Y • Oct 9, 2011

I relate 'self-pardon' to 'growing up', which is essentially the creation of solid experiences and actually utilizing them.

As kids, when we think back we would've committed lot of insane things which we wouldn't dream of doing now!
At the same time, we're not bothered about them because we know that was our level of consciousness about the world.
This process goes on.
When we are grown up and commit mistakes, we can either keep getting back at them and feel ashamed OR analyze them and understand how not to repeat.
Forgiveness needs courage, and that comes when we are ready to face our mistakes.

Well, that is not The end!
We also need 'a complete acceptance' of certain things.
There are some recurring mistakes in our lives. I'll go a step further and call it our imperfections.
These are things we think we should change about ourselves.
For example, always being late at places. Some people are like that, and there is no changing no matter what.
(According to the situation in life, one might be forced to put in terrible effort to counter certain imperfections)
Anyhow, in usual living what we need is a total acceptance of ourselves. Before anyone else, accept and love ourselves with all the imperfections ( those that cannot be helped 😉).
All in all, enjoy them as the simple joys of life 😀

0

Anoop Mathew

@anoop-FRTf1L • Nov 11, 2012

Do you forgive yourself for what you have done? Are you able to forget the past even if you forgive yourself?

P.S.: Need more reviews. ☕

0

Jeffrey Arulraj

@jeffrey-xA7lUP • Nov 12, 2012

I personally have a very sore experience which haunts me

I know that God loves me too much and so he has forgiven me
My parent's show out that the have forgiven me

But still when I am alone My CONSCIENCE pricks me and it is hard for me to forgive my self

0

sweet_honey

@sweet-honey-areuMs • Nov 15, 2012

anoopthefriend
Do you forgive yourself for what you have done? Are you able to forget the past even if you forgive yourself?

It would be quite easy for me to forgive myself for what I have done but to forget the past would be quite difficult.
Though we forgive ourselves but somewhere, sometime we are surely pricked by our soul for our past mistakes.

0

Jeffrey Arulraj

@jeffrey-xA7lUP • Nov 15, 2012

I am sure all will agree to this We get pricked cos we have never forgiven our selves in the first place

This causes us to have remorse for things we did no matter how much we try to forgive our self

0

Ramani Aswath

@ramani-VR4O43 • Nov 15, 2012

As Richard Bach says in one of his books, you cannot rewind life. Otherwise you can go back and make a new start.
There is no need to forgive oneself. Realise what happened, accept and move on.

0

rahul69

@rahul69-97fAOs • Nov 15, 2012

Well, I think, with all the experience I had in this little life on earth till now, that the things which make us remorse and feel guilty at some point of time, may feel as a unique experience afterwards, at some distant time in the future. Even some bad things give us lessons which may prove quite helpful later. So do we really need to remorse over what we became in the past?, rather than working for what we will be in the future.

0

sweet_honey

@sweet-honey-areuMs • Nov 15, 2012

jeffrey samuel
I am sure all will agree to this We get pricked cos we have never forgiven our selves in the first place

Its not so.. I think we forgive ourselves just for self satisfaction to get away from the guilt.
Or we can say that we forgive ourselves to quit from one of the mistakes of our life and move ahead to solve other problems.

0

Self-Pardon...Is it possible???

Replies

Welcome, guest