friendster7
friendster7
Branch Unspecified
04 Mar 2008

professional jokes

Employer to applicant: "In this[FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Trebuchet MS,Sans-Serif,Georgia,Courier,Times New Roman,Serif][FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Trebuchet MS,Sans-Serif,Georgia,Courier,Times New Roman,Serif] job[/FONT][/FONT] we need someone who is responsible."

Applicant: "I'm the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."



"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"

"I ought to be able to. I've had ten different jobs in four months."
friendster7

friendster7

Branch Unspecified
11 years ago
Reaching the end of a job interview, the [FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Trebuchet MS,Sans-Serif,Georgia,Courier,Times New Roman,Serif][FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Trebuchet MS,Sans-Serif,Georgia,Courier,Times New Roman,Serif]Human [/FONT][/FONT][FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Trebuchet MS,Sans-Serif,Georgia,Courier,Times New Roman,Serif][FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Trebuchet MS,Sans-Serif,Georgia,Courier,Times New Roman,Serif]Resources[/FONT][/FONT] person asked a young applicant fresh out of Business School, "And what starting salary are you looking for?"

The applicant said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks [FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Trebuchet MS,Sans-Serif,Georgia,Courier,Times New Roman,Serif][FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Trebuchet MS,Sans-Serif,Georgia,Courier,Times New Roman,Serif]vacation[/FONT][/FONT], 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years - say, a red Corvette?"

The applicant sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."
friendster7

friendster7

Branch Unspecified
11 years ago
In a job interview for policemen the applicants are shown a profile picture of a man, and the interviewer says, "The job that you're applying for requires powers of observation. Make one observation about this man."

The first applicant enters and says, "This man has just one ear."
"Get out!!" screams the interviewer.

The second applicant enters and says, "This man has one ear."
"Get out!!" screams the interviewer again.

Then the third applicant gets up to go in for his [FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Trebuchet MS,Sans-Serif,Georgia,Courier,Times New Roman,Serif][FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Trebuchet MS,Sans-Serif,Georgia,Courier,Times New Roman,Serif]interview[/FONT][/FONT]. The first two guys are out there and they tell him, "The guy that's giving the interview doesn't like to hear that the man in the picture has one ear."
"Thanks for the tip" says the third applicant.

So the third applicant enters, stares at the picture for a while and finally he says, "This man wears contact lenses."
The interviewer is impressed and says, "Excellent observation. Tell me, how could you tell?"
So the guy says, "Well, this man has just one ear, how could he wear glasses?"
friendster7

friendster7

Branch Unspecified
11 years ago
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer went in to try out for the job.
"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?"
"11" he replied.
The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right."

"What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"
"Today and tomorrow."
The sheriff was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.

"Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."
"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"

So, Gomer wandered over to the barbershop where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already [FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Trebuchet MS,Sans-Serif,Georgia,Courier,Times New Roman,Serif][FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Trebuchet MS,Sans-Serif,Georgia,Courier,Times New Roman,Serif]working[/FONT][/FONT] on a murder case!"
friendster7

friendster7

Branch Unspecified
11 years ago
The navy [FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Trebuchet MS,Sans-Serif,Georgia,Courier,Times New Roman,Serif][FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Trebuchet MS,Sans-Serif,Georgia,Courier,Times New Roman,Serif]psychiatrist[/FONT][/FONT] was interviewing a potential sailor. To check on the young man's response to trouble, the psychiatrist asked, "What would you do if you looked out of that window right now and saw a battleship coming down the street?"
The baby sailor said, "I'd grab a torpedo and [FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Trebuchet MS,Sans-Serif,Georgia,Courier,Times New Roman,Serif][FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Trebuchet MS,Sans-Serif,Georgia,Courier,Times New Roman,Serif]sink[/FONT][/FONT] it."
"Where would you get the torpedo?"
"The same place you got your battleship!"
friendster7

friendster7

Branch Unspecified
11 years ago
Three men took a small plane to the wilderness in northern [FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Trebuchet MS,Sans-Serif,Georgia,Courier,Times New Roman,Serif][FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Trebuchet MS,Sans-Serif,Georgia,Courier,Times New Roman,Serif]Canada[/FONT][/FONT] to hunt moose over the weekend. The last thing the pilot said was, "Remember, this is a very small plane and you will only be able to bring ONE moose back."

But of course, they killed one each and returned to the plane with three moose.
The [FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Trebuchet MS,Sans-Serif,Georgia,Courier,Times New Roman,Serif][FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Trebuchet MS,Sans-Serif,Georgia,Courier,Times New Roman,Serif]pilot[/FONT][/FONT] said: "I have told you to bring one moose only".
"That's what you told us last year," the hunters replied, "but for an additional $100 you allowed us to bring three moose. Here, take $100 now."
The pilot agrees, and lets them bring all three dead moose onboard.

Just after[FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Trebuchet MS,Sans-Serif,Georgia,Courier,Times New Roman,Serif][FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Trebuchet MS,Sans-Serif,Georgia,Courier,Times New Roman,Serif]takeoff,[/FONT][/FONT] the plane stalled and crashed. In the wreckage, one of the men woke up, looked around and said: "Where the hell are we?"
"Oh, just about a hundred yards east of the place where we crashed last year."

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