The laws of work

[suyash]

Read Carefully ... Some may apply to you ...

• The first 90% of project takes 10% of the time, the last 10% takes the other 90% of the time.
• If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
• A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the butt.
• Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
• It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do.
• After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
• The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
• You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
• Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
• When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
• If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a fool about it.
• There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
• Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back.
• Arriving at work early sets an expectation that your less ambitious co-workers will not appreciate.
• Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."
• Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
• To err is human, to forgive is not a part of company policy.
• Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.
• Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
• If you are good, you will be assigned all the work.
• If you are really good, you will get out of it.
• You are always doing something frivolous when the boss drops by your desk.
• The people chosen to go to conferences are always the party animals with no intention of learning a thing.
• If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.
• At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
• When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
• Following the rules will not get the job done.
• Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.
• When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
• No matter how much you do, you never do enough, let alone too much.
• The last person that quit or was fired will be blamed for everything that goes wrong.

[crook]

• If you are good, you will be assigned all the work.
• If you are really good, you will get out of it.

loved those!!